The voices in Sesar’s head were so cruel, he wasn’t sure life was worth living.
“It’s too late,” the voices said. “You’re too late.” The combination of schizophrenia, methamphetamine addiction and homelessness left Sesar desperate. He slashed his wrists in an attempt to numb the pain.
“You can induce physical pain to avoid emotional pain,” Sesar says, “and that’s what I was doing.”
Sesar started using meth at 14, and was instantly hooked — for the next 21 years. He started hearing the voices in 2010, and they grew worse over the years. He didn’t know why; he wasn’t diagnosed with schizophrenia till relatively recently.
In late 2021, Sesar was arrested for loitering and spent 40 days in jail. The sentence literally saved his life. “I was going to kill myself,” he says. His time behind bars “was my wake-up call. It sobered me up and made me realize I had God-given potential.”
After his release, he entered the Mission’s recovery program: “I wanted a Christian program. I wanted to leave it up to God and see how much life is worth living.”
“If it weren’t for the Mission, I’d be dead,” he says. “The Mission has given me direction.” He still hears voices, but they no longer tell him it’s “too late.”
“It’s never too late,” Sesar says. “Everything’s possible in God’s eyes.”
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